Personal, Random Thoughts

A Letter to My Next Love

Hi.

I don’t know you and you probably don’t know me yet or perhaps, you are just there sitting right under my nose. But I’m writing this letter for you anyway… 

First of all, I want you to know that I am a dangerous woman. I am warning you first thing, I want you to be aware what kind of trouble you will enter in. I am a monster. I am not a typical woman you have messed around with. I always have my claws up. Ready to devour you whole. I’ll gnaw you as if you are a peace of meat. I’ll drown you in my deepest thoughts. And I’ll kill you in all passionate ways I know.

You are definitely not my first love, I’ve fallen in love many times and have given some pieces of me from the wrong people who arrived and it took me a long time before I regained the pieces I’ve given away.

I don’t get lonely these days anymore knowing the fact that I will meet you too soon. I will meet the man who is prefect for his imperfections; the man who will lighten my dim lit world; the man who I have been waiting and praying for. There were times, I thought I’ve seen you with the previous loves I’ve had. I’ve mistaken several people as you but in the end, they appeared to be my navigators for they’re the ones who navigate the way to you and I couldn’t thank them enough because losing them and walking away from them is a few more steps closer to you. The mere thoughts of you give me warmth in the cold summer nights. That is why, I’m keeping myself unavailable. I won’t settle from anything less. I won’t mistake loneliness or infatuation as love anymore. I keep this wide space in my heart for you. I’ve cleaned up the mess of the previous chaos that had been living in it for some time. And you are very much welcome to enter and stay as you like. Feel free to stay permanently.

I am hoping that you are my last.

And I hope you are okay with that.

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Random Thoughts

Dear Woman: Don’t Stay In a Wrong Toxic Relationship All Because You Love Him

“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves”
Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

I am not a love expert nor have had a perfect relationship neither. I have misread the signs when I needed to jump the ship. But after contemplating and meditating things, I have realized I don’t want to settle with a man who always mistreated me. I won’t stay with a toxic relationship when I’m supposed to be dancing out there, enjoying the things I deserve. I won’t be entice with a man’s sweet words, fall in love, and then drop me off when I’m high on him. I won’t be a martyr anymore all because I love him.

Maybe, I’ve been watching too many movies, and been reading too many Nicholas Sparks’ books. They say, “You can’t find a guy like that. They only exist in movies and books!” Yes, they might be too good to be true, but I believe that if a man loves you, he would do anything, literally and figuratively anything to keep you. But if a man is not that into you, believe me, one day, he’ll drop you without saying a thing. You are left with broken heart and broken bones, but I’ll tell you, that would be the best thing that will have ever happened to you.

I have several friends who are slaves of love. I mean, I have been there, I was once of them but I know when and how to stop. I’m not saying that you should be like me, I’m saying you shouldn’t ignore the red flags, if he’s treating you like a shit, you are probably a shit on him. Do not fight for a spot on his life  because if he loves you, he will put you there with no ifs and buts and be his top priority. Too many girls are confused with love and ownership. You think he loves you when he’s being possessive, maybe, yes, a man who loves you will guard you and make a territory out of you, but watch out. If a man is always jealous, to the point the he’s preventing you to see your friends while he can do anything and everything he wants. Congratulation, you’ve just got an asshole who will eventually ruin your life! And all the same, if you are angry all the time when he’s talking with his friends or girl friends, and you are tempted to lurk on his phone or social medias, ask yourself this question, is this still healthy? No, right? Jealousy and possessiveness are normal but as they said, all too much is dangerous. There’s love, definitely a huge love, but no trust. A relationship without trust only cause you with deep anxiety and stress. Let it go.

Girl, wake up! You know very well that he’s not the right one for you and yet you choose to stay and keep him around you, well, maybe, you are so comfortable to be with him but no woman should be comfortable with being mistreated. You know how to live your life and you know that you are better off without him but you just don’t want to because you are afraid of changes. You are a beautiful, smart ass woman, who doesn’t deserve to be treated like a doormat. Why would you even settle with a life like that when you are supposed to enjoy the things that life has offered. Stop begging for his time, love, and affection. If he doesn’t respect you as a woman and always ignores your concerns, sorry not sorry to drop this off but he doesn’t love you. He’s just staying because you want him to stay and why not, he could still do whatever he wants while taking all his advantages on you. He’s staying because you are still beneficial in his life but once he finds someone’s better, you are left with nothing. You are just nothing but a ragged doll left in the corner because he’s done playing with you; because you didn’t leave a single love on yourself; because you’ve poured all the love and all you on a stupid freak who doesn’t deserve all the feelings and effort you have invested. And why would you wait for that day to come when you can find your own feet now and stand on your ground. Yes, it’s difficult to move your foot forward away from the person who you give your all. But remember, this person will never change and you don’t deserve this kind of shit. Learn to walk away from the things that destroy your well-being. You deserve a selfless love and that starts on loving yourself. You can never teach a man to love you. You can’t say that you should love me this way and not that way. You teach them how to love you based on how you love yourself.

Random Thoughts

Rants

I’ll make it straight to the point. I’m not gonna convince you that I am worth it because fuck, boy, I already know my worth and I don’t need you to realize it nor allow you to label my worth.

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I’m so done tolerating any bullshits in my life. I’m getting old for the same shits; for putting myself in an awkward situation, for being in an undefined relationship. Fuck, just leave me alone. I don’t need you though. I’ve been to relationship before. I am not saying that I am proud to be in wrong relationships. I’ve had my downfalls, I was left with scars and bruises. They aren’t something to be proud about but they aren’t something to be embarrassed about either. My point is, I’ve learned with my past relationships. I’ve learned to higher my standard when choosing a man. I’m not gonna choose a boy who doesn’t have balls to stand up for his principles. I need a man who knows what a realationship is. Because I know when a boy only wants to take advantage of me, I know if a boy  only wants to get in between my legs. I smell your shit before you shit on me. I know who is genuine or not. Do not fuck with me because damn boy, I know your game before you play it. Wear your pants fucker. No one is buying your game. Stop wearing your dick up there on your head, it’s not a hat!

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I don’t need any other headaches. Right now the only worries and confusion I have are what nail colors and lipstick shades are perfect on me, and where to eat or what movie to watch. The only heart break I have is when my nails cut accidentally. I can say that I am not ready for any relationshit and I will never be, so stay the fuck out of me.

If you think I am not good enough for you, that’s all right with me. I am not stopping you to search for the better. I know there’s always a better person than me. So you can go, the door is wide open. It’s not like I slap your hand every time you do something I don’t like. It’s not like I’ll beg you to stay. It’s your free will to choose what’s good for you and not.

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The only people who deserve to be with me are the ones who do not question my worth. If you think I’m not worth it and so do you. Leave me alone fucker!

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Writings

23 Quotable Quotes Written By You

Dear You,

To begin with, I’d like to congratulate you for your 22 years of existence.There are times you act like an asshole but I know you too well more than your people know you. I know that you have a heart of gold inside but you choose to show how cold you are and I can’t blame you for that, because people always disappoint you; they always keep promising that they wouldn’t leave but they left anyway. I know you are tired, emotionally and mentally tired but I thank you for not giving up on us. Now that you are turning 23. I have reread your previous articles and I couldn’t help but to feel proud that this girl is turning into fine young woman. As there’s a saying, we mature by the damages that we have encountered, not by age.Because of that, I’ve jotted down the 23 quotable quotes that you have written in the passed months.

On handling criticisms…

Embracing The Real You in a World full of Perfectionist

  1. Do not be afraid to be yourself because once you know your self-worth, it really doesn’t matter anymore if people call or think you as a crazy, asshole, bitch and the likes. Why would you even care? Bruno Mars thinks that you are amazing just the way you are. And gurllll, remember Lady Gaga’s song? You are beautiful in your way cause God makes no mistakes, you’re on the right track baby. You were born this way!

 

On battling anxiety..

Anxiety

2. When anxiety creeps in, there’s no way to get out of it.Here it is again, the anxiety that overwhelms me for a long time. There’s no way to escape it, nowhere to hide. My head is throbbing, my stomach is churning, my heart is aching. I wish I could delete certain people and memories in my life. I’ve been fighting with the demons inside of me. At night, they will come and by the morning, they’re gone. I always tell myself that there’s no room for negative feelings. Not now. Not ever.

  •  She’s in a dark room where silence is deafening, there’s a lump in her throat, her heart is heavy, tears are about to kiss her cheeks, she feels like she’s gonna burst at any moment. A sudden flash of lightning bolt appears in the sky passing through the window; she sees herself silhouetted by it; thunder breaks the silence; the sky seems like sympathizing with her feelings. And just then, she fees calm and falls asleep with a storm in her heart.
  • I’d always remember you from the exhilarating moment when I first laid my eyes on you, when we first stared at each others’ eyes and uttered the confession of love to the excruciating pain that I felt when I asked you the truth and you chose to sugarcoat your lies. —The Most Dangerous Disease: Having a Strong Memory

 

On learning to be your own kind of hero…

What’s Wrong With Being Single?!

3. Understand that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship and that relationship is messy;and that prince charming doesn’t exist;do not wait for your knight in shining armor to come around because you are not Damsel in distress waiting to be saved. Wait for someone who will give you a sword and let the inner warrior of you be unleashed. Be your own kind of hero.

  • You look at the mirror and we see different things. You sigh because you can’t be as pretty as your favorite celebrity, I sigh because you think that way. You look again at the mirror and tears of disappointment start to roll down on that exquisite face, you think that the journey ends there. I look at the mirror and I see a beautiful extra-ordinary woman who has a bright future ahead of her. Darling, wipe your tears and show the world what you are capable of. You are more than a pretty face. You don’t have to starve yourself just to be as sexy as your favorite Victoria’s secret model; tell you what, having a sexy mind is way better than having a sexy body.—More than a pretty face
  • You became a scar that I would always carry for the rest of my life.And I think I can say that I am proud of this; for this is a scar that is sign of my own bravery and courage to love whole-heartedly despite of the circumstances and consequences. And I could finally heave a deep sigh of relief because I know I have gone through catastrophe and survived; still alive and breathing. And most importantly— still believing in love. I finally accept the fact that you are my lesson not my happy-ever-after.The Most Dangerous Disease: Having a Strong Memory
  • A relationship is a give and take. You can’t be the one who always gives and receives nothing in return. For some, they call it unconditional love. But for me, I call it martyrdom.You can’t wipe his ass every time he shits. If you know what I mean.Stop Thinking What If, Start Thinking What Is

 

On facing the other side of the isosceles…

Isosceles

4. Some days, you would think that you finally own him; his attention, his affection;but everywhere you go is haunted by me. That couch that you are sitting, we used to sit and cuddle there while we were watching a movie; that cup that you are using, he used to pour some tea or coffee in there for me;from the cup to the plates and utensils— they have my claw marks;the sala, the bathroom, bedroom, and furniture— have my fingerprints;from the places that you go (restaurants,malls,cinema,roads)— you would see my ghost. He would always remember me through those little things. My name would always taste like blood in your mouth. When you kiss him, you would taste my sweetness in his lips. When he touches you, you would wonder how he worshiped my body. When he stares at you, he would see a different person wishing you were me. You would wake up in the middle of the night crying and you would feel like there’s a dagger on your chest cause after a tiring earthquake with him, you’d know that no matter what you do, no matter how you twist and turn your body, you would satisfy his manhood but you would never ever own his heart.  There are some days you would feel unworthy and you’re gonna pick up a fight with him and surely, he would comfort you (with lies) until you stop whining but you would know deep down on his heart he has never forgotten. I might become a story but I left a mark that you would never erase. Our souls have made love in a way that you cannot imagine. 

  • Live busily, happily, and humbly. Rejoicing in somebody’s heartbreak would give you satisfaction in a short while but soon enough all the burdens and heartaches that she has experienced would be yours. If you think that your life is as bright as the broad daylight and hers is as dark as a stormy night, just remember that the world is rotating. What goes around comes back around.—“You will never find happiness in the sorrows of another woman.” -Dr. Amari Soul

 

On remembering the last goodbye..

The Memoir of Last Good bye

5. It was a typical morning. The sun was up, the birds were chirping, the roads were busy, everything and everybody were moving oblivious to the current chaos in her heart. She wanted to stop the time or perhaps slowed it down, she always wanted to do that every time she was with him. They had their breakfast in silence, the silence was deafening, he was the one who broke it, “what do you want to do today?” he asked cheerfully, (a typical question) and that day was the last time that she would hear it.They didn’t really have anything in their minds. They just wanted to stay indoor and savor every seconds that they were still together. Their bodies, hearts, and souls had made love for the last time; they whispered how much they love each other and uttered the promise of a lifetime. A lot of people fail to fulfill their promises sometimes people made promises at the time they’re most elevated in their feelings. But to these two people, it is up to them how long they could keep each other in their hearts…

  • Sometimes Goodbyes are ForeverWhen people say good night, it literally means good night; when people say good bye, it could mean “Good bye see you soon. See you later.” You still get the chance to see that person in the future. But you also have to understand the deep definition of good bye cause people change and feelings fade; It’s like, “I’m not saying that we won’t see each other again perhaps we’ll see each other tomorrow, next week, next month or next year but there’s no guarantee that the feelings are still there; when I say good bye I say good bye for the love that we shared but I  surely treasure the memories; you’ve got to realize that sometimes good byes are forever.”
    • I have already boxed the memories we had, I separated the good and the bad and the lessons in each. I, thank you for the life-altering lessons you’ve taught me but I’m not staying. —I Love You No More

 

On a slowly detachment

detachment

6.  You are not a superhero who has the special ability to save. The thing is that superheroes save lives not relationships. So basically, it’s in the palm of your hand. At the end of the day, you will choose to hold on because that what love is; people tend to hold on in a drop of hope that things can still go back to normal, you will try and try until you get tired; and slowly by slowly, detachment surfaces. You never wish for it but it happens…

 

On healing yourself

How Reading Books Helped Me to Get On With my Life

7. “I find peace and contentment by simply staring at you. Thank you for taking me to places I’ve never been, for giving me roller coaster emotions, and for always being there when I need to drift off in wonderland. You’re such a good friend!”

  • When everything seems so tautological and things get out of control.  I say,take your time. Close your heart. Dance with the pain. Enjoy the solitude. Find and love yourself. When you are ready, the right one will come along. Don’t be  afraid to fall in love again. Trust love one more time. And then again and again and again.—To Love Again
  • We are all broken inside. In our brokenness, we try to find consolations about the consequences of our actions; the regrets of the could haves, should haves, and what ifs. I think human beings like to make believe themselves with these sort of things just like how people get enthusiastically into learning more about butterfly effect, parallel universe, and the likes.Through these, there’s a little hope living inside all of us that even if we may not share this lifetime with the one we love the most,  along the wide universe, our futures are different, our futures are somewhere out there, floating along the other universe; the parallel universe. So let me believe that somehow, somewhere on the other side of the vast-boundless universe, we have our happy ending.—The Parallel Universe

 

On loving the rainy weather…

Pluviophile

8. The rain started to fall heavily; thunder rumbled in the distance; lightning struck the dark sky. She stared at the window and smiled at herself as she reminisced the days when her only playmate was the rain; when hot chocolate, blanket, and the love of her mother kept her warm on rainy days;  and her fairy tale books were her only companions. Ohh how she missed those moments! She sipped her cup of hot chocolate. Eyes closed as she devoured the moment; the rain smelled peace and contentment. Nothing beats the comfort of the rain. She would never get tired of the rain..

 

On missing the person you lost forever..

Unforgettable (To Basel)

9. Today is one of those melancholic days when I would sit in the corner and let the memory of you submerge to my very thoughts.

  • You can now stop running after me when you need some consolations or some ego-boosters. You can now stop calling me in the middle of the night when you’re tired or sick or when you are missing me terribly. Because, I won’t be there anymore. Sure, I miss you too. I miss you every day, every moment of the day, every ticking of the clock. I miss you. And I think, I always will. I will always miss the person I thought you were. Missing you is a bittersweet reminder of the things that could have been and the person I lost.To The Man Who I Lost and Lost Me Forever

 

On breaking your trust…

10. In just one fleeting moment, doubt started to surface; it’s like a drop of blank ink plops onto a white sheet of paper and it starts to spread out rapidly, smirching the entire pure paper. One thing and you start to be skeptical in everything he does and says. You start to become a love struck dog sniffing on his clothes and next thing you are tempted to look through his laptop, phone, facebook, and all. But can he blame you? after all woman’s instinct is damned right most of the time.

 

On thanking your mom..

Alla Mia Bella Mamma

11. Thank you for loving me when I am not so lovable. Thank you for lifting me up when I am at my lowest; thank you for being my number one fan. Thank you for raising me with such kindness. Thank you for teaching me not to settle for anything else. Thank you for knowing my worth even the world doesn’t. Thank you for believing in me when I don’t even believe myself. Thank you for staying and I know you’ll never go even the world turns its back on me and most importantly thank you for the unconditional love that you always show everyday.

 

On achieving your goal…

When Reality is Sweeter than Your Dreams

12. No matter how small or big your dreams are, never stop trying and always believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid to fail! Failures are part of growing up. Widen your horizon. Spread your wings and soar high!  Until then you could finally tell that reality is sweeter than your dreams.

 

On telling the story, your story of a brave woman

The Comeback Girl

13. She’s the bravest woman I had ever met. She wore bravery on her skin, she smelled blood from the previous war that she went through. Her scars and bruises were signs of the fury of chaos. The scars and bruises that say “she’s alive and she has survived.” She covered her body with armors;she surrounded herself with barricades and put walls around her; She was determined to shut herself to the world and face tomorrow alone for she had lost the people she treasured the most;the people who had caused her the greatest catastrophe in life that a person could have ever experienced. There was no turning back. Soon enough, she would come back to haunt her offenders. She was the comeback girl….

  • Maybe I don’t need anybody. Perhaps, I haven’t met the man who will sweep me off my feet or I might have met him and I’m still not over him. Maybe I still want the same person who broke my heart or maybe not. Maybe I can’t be a girlfriend to anyone. Or maybe I am single because I am more comfortable being on my own…—Quick Rant: “Why Are You Single?”

 

On finally finding the good in good bye..

For when she is done..

14. When a woman is done waiting and loving you, there is no turning back. You will only be a memory to her and no matter what you do, she would stay adamant. She would no longer believe in your sugarcoated lies. Don’t say that she changed if you are the one who changed her. You changed her for the better and thanks to you! You wasted your chance. You wasted her love. Now, she is ready to explore the world of opportunities, she is ready now to face the world and future without you for she is simply done with you.

  • Never again waste another second, an ounce of energy, milliliter of saliva, and a glimpse of attention into toxic people who only want to get in between your legs. It isn’t wrong to set a high standard in love, set your guard up and if they really want you, they would climb it, no matter what it takes.—2016 Year Ender: Now Signing Off
  • I am not bitter anymore and if one day, our paths will cross again with our new different lives, I could look at you straight in the eyes with a huge smile in my face and with no guilt in my heart but only with a great joy because I knew in my heart that what we had and what I had showed and made you feel were real.Our story had started with “Once upon a time, they were exactly what the other needed…” and tragically ended in “but it’s time for them to part.” Darling, it’s time for us to part.Unsaid Words
  • “You had squeezed the last drop of faith that I had in you until I had at last decided to leave. I loved you and I cared for you too much and that was how I saved the love that I had for you.” Her gaze melted him. “I had loved you from those days that turned into nights and months that turned into years. I had loved you silently afar. Then I realized that you could still love  and miss someone without wanting them back. Until you finally found yourself again and you woke up one day feeling okay. Not totally healed but okay. Then someone came along, and wonderfully took away all the pain and filled the cracks in your heart with deep love and happiness.” She paused and reached his hand, “I wish you found that contentment in your heart. I wish you met someone who would put back the missing piece in your life that would make you stop looking for it from the wrong people. I wish you happiness. And though this is supposed to be the end of us, I am still glad I met you.” Unsaid Words Pt.2

 

On having a closure..

Once upon a time but never a happily ever after

15. I turned on the TV before I plummeted to a deep sentiment but it was too impossible to concentrate on watching when I was feeling excited and agitated all at the same time. I was haunted by our memories. This house that had been our love nest. I saw myself screaming at him, I was totally annoyed and he liked annoying me, I was telling him to bugger off and he was telling me some hard punch line that made me smile in the middle of quarrel. I smiled at the memory. He was always the calm one and I was the nagger one. I wondered how did he put up with me. But that was then, what we had is now hers; not mine anymore.

  • For such a long time, I have left our story opened for I was hoping and waiting that might one day you’ll come along and write the continuation of it. Love, the ink has ran dry, the pages have changed its colors, fast fading through time, and the tear drops on the last few pages have dried and have left only its marks. I have grabbed the pen a few times, thinking if I should do it or not. And at this very moment, I decided to put a full stop in it. And wrote light-heartedly the words -The end…To The Man Who I Lost and Lost Me ForeverTo The Man Who I Lost and Lost Me Forever

 

On welcoming the changes in your life…

Welcome Changes

16. Change is definitely the only constant thing in the world.  The world continues on revolving; the world won’t stop moving just because you are hurt or you don’t want to.  The season changes. You roll the calendar. And you go along with it. You grow older. You become wiser. You change and that means you become maturer.

  • As they say, you can’t see the beauty of a building if you are standing inside of it. To have a clearer view of something, you must look at it afar.
  • Here’s to more adventures and meeting extra-ordinary people.
    Here’s to new beginnings;
    to you and to me;
    Here’s to letting go of the past and earning the lessons in it.
    Here’s to another wonderful year well spent with you..—2016 Year Ender: Now Signing Off
  • “Life is full of uncertainty. There is nothing permanent in this world.  The world is a constant change and you’ve got nothing to do but to get along with it and enjoy what life has to offer.”Stop Thinking What If, Start Thinking What Is

 

On writing to express not to impress..

Talk About Writing

17.  Too many people these days seem to be more focal on impressing or pleasing others by using their flowery/deep vocabularies which do not make sense that sometimes make the idea of the write up diffusive, as a result, the message of the essay becomes ambiguous to the readers. Remember: write to express not to impress.

  • I was scrolling down my blog posts and I just then realized how tremendously sad creature I am. I have then realized that my thoughts are so preoccupied by the past events and people. I think that’s the problem if you are a memory hoarder.You keep the memories with you; happy or sappy. One of the good things of having your own space, you are in charge of everything. No one will tell you what to write or what to say. You can write down your very own thoughts, all your angst, anxieties, and distress in life that seem to magically fade away by just putting them to words especially if you are not a sociable or chatty person in real life.

 

On respecting one’s opinion…

18. But not because we do not share the same opinions or views over some certain issues doesn’t mean you are right and I am wrong. It means we are seeing things in a different perspective; We are entitled in our own opinions, I respect yours and I am not forcing you to respect mine, it only means you are so closed-minded that you refused to consider one’s opinion and that is all up to you.

 

On missing the people who are long gone..

In Loving Memories Of

19. We may not be breathing the same air anymore nor see the same sky but your memories are engraved with us. For the meantime, let us breathe the stimulating air of early November for you. Let us be your senses while you are enjoying the paradise with God where no more pain, chaos, starvation— far far away from the cruel world down here. It has been a rough journey for all of us, hasn’t it? But we are so lucky that once in our lives, you became part of ours just like we became part of yours. There is no Good bye, only see you soon.

  • My heart—it may have loved a thousand times and might have been broken in a million ways; it would always seek for you. And somewhere in the depth of my heart, you are there—easing the pain; serving as my refuge.
  • I didn’t know when did I stop crying nor when would I stop crying. You know the feeling of you wanted to run to the person whom you know could only stop you from crying but you just can’t do that because you’re facing the crucial truth that you won’t see that person nor touch his hand; and the fact that you won’t hear his voice anymore because he’s gone and would never ever come back. Devastating. In one snap, the world that you created with him had collapsed. Just like that.—Send My Love To Heaven
  • I believe that we all have our own journey and destination, and in order for you to get there, you’ve got to stop and you’ve got to rest first because the journey is long, unsure, and exhausting. I understand you for leaving me, I understand that I was just one of the stops that you had happened to passed by and you, the people I loved and cared, were just passers by.Eternally Grateful To All The People Who Walked Away and Stay In My Life

 

On having your best revenge..

The Best Revenge

20. One day, you would root for me and wonder how I am living but one thing is for sure; I won’t grant you the satisfaction of seeing my life falling apart. For this is my revenge, I would live happily and vigorously while you reap the bad seeds that you’ve sowed. As the popular notion said, what goes around comes back around.  All the things you’ve done will catch up to you. 

 

On feeling alive once again..

For the First Time in a Year

21. You held my hand and stroke it slowly as if you were memorizing every lines on it and when our hands intertwined, it felt like my jigsaw puzzle had finally found its missing piece.

  • That someone

That someone who has the most beautiful eyes;

Those eyes that glimmer like a thousand stars when he smiles;

His smile is like a beacon flickering in a dark dark night beckoning you to come home ;

The dark night that you thought was seemingly no end suddenly  glistens;

illuminating the pathway towards him

For he is the candle light that will never melt

The flashlight that do not run out of battery;

For he, himself is the light;

His voice sounds melody in the ears

that could only calm the demons inside you;

His touch brings you shiver down the spine;

the sweet sweet sensation of his kisses causing the butterflies in your stomach to uproar;

For he is that someone who gives you a very reason to stay sane

You just know, it’s him

When the right time comes

Everything around you will be slow mo

As he is turning his back to face you

You would know that he isn’t just that someone; more than someone

He is everything.

  • Walking under the starry starry night; holding hands; feeling the cold breeze of the air of ber season playing with my hair back and fourth; while feeling adamant from everything, for that night was ours. There were a lot of thoughts I didn’t voice out. I was at chaos; the demons inside me were at war then you gave me a back hug and everything was so peaceful, so calming.—Someone
  • Here’s to usHere’s to all the things that we’ve been through;

to all the good and the bad times spent together;

Here’s to nostalgia and euphoria;

to all the times that we have wasted being apart;

Here’s to all the good byes that have been uttered but have never done;

to all the fuck yous that end up to i love yous and i miss yous;

to all the fights and make ups;

Here’s to the year of loneliness and emptiness;

to all the lonely nights spent by weeping;

to all the pail of tears we have shed because of  hurting and missing each other

and here’s to another year of a new hope;

Here’s to another year with you;

Here’s to you my love;

to the amazing love that shines my life;

to my ray of sunlight,

Here’s to us,

Here’s to our love;

here’s to making up to all the things that we should have done;

Here’s to the year of changes;

Here’s to healing, moving on and letting go of all the hatred in our hearts;

Here’s to forgiving ourselves for not being perfect;

Here’s to the year of second chances;

to the fulfillment of our promises;

Till death do we part.

Here’s to a brand new beginning of just you and me.Here’s To Us

  • People said when you see a stranger in your dream, you might have met that person somewhere before. You may not remember it but your subconscious mind does. So there is a tendency that the people we meet on the street may appear in our dreams unconsciously.Perhaps, have we met before?The Man Who Leaped Through My Dreams
  • Lover, you are may be somewhere staring at the same night sky and wishing for a shooting star to cross the dark sky illuminated by the moon. You would smile because you know that you don’t believe on those sort of things but then you enjoy seeing extra-ordinary things;while I am lying down on the roof; arm at the back of my head, tracing the constellation of stars through my forefinger—wondering what are you like and where are  you and what are you doing? Even though we are in different places perhaps at a different time zone too, our minds and hearts are connected. The stars above us would decide when will our paths cross but how would you know if it is I already? It is when you look at my eyes and see things  just as the same as the beauty of stars in dim light that you adore in the night sky;look at the palms of my hands and you will see your name traced in it. That’s the time the universe, the stars, and the planets will conspire to help us find each other. The heaven and earth will be finally aligned. The universe  will stare at us in awe because finally after a long journey, we have at last found our destination.Lover, do something. Find me. Please find me.The Man Who Leaped Through My Dreams

 

On Frienship 

To My Friend Who Began To Drift Away

22. There are some special people who will come into your life and will stay there permanently. Those people who will stick with you through thick and thin, through prosperity and impoverishment. Those people who will stay true to you and aren’t afraid to tell you bluntly how pain in the ass you are but still pick you and lift you up from your downfall. You know what they’re called? Real Friends.

  • A true friend is a light in the dark. She’s a kind of person who will hit you real hard in the head and tell you bluntly how you are messing your life with shitty people. She won’t shower you with compliments then talk shit behind your back. She’ll do that in front of you. And most importantly, she would stay with you even if the world leaves, she will always be there, serving as your light in your dark days.—2016 Year Ender: Now Signing Off

 

And lastly, on moving forward…

23. It’s okay to weep and wallow for the people who are long gone

It’s okay to be sad,

It’s okay to be angry,

It’s okay to cry,

It’s okay to still love the person who hurt us and to want another shot,

It’s okay to lick your own wounds in the middle of the night,

It’s okay to cry buckets of tears,

It’s okay to realize that the problem is not you,

It’s okay to let go of the things that are hurting you,

It’s okay to move on,

It’s okay to stop thinking what if,

and it’s totally okay to start thinking what is.

It’s okay to say yes to new adventures;

It’s okay to lose and find yourself back again.

It’s okay to be happy,

It’s okay to look forward and never look back…

It’s okay… You’ll be okay..

Believe me..

I’ve been there and done that…—Stop Thinking What If, Start Thinking What Is

  • I may be stubborn, obnoxious, temperamental, and pain in the ass at times, but I am that person who you can hold on to, you’ve got nothing to worry because I would cure your skinned knees when life knocks you down. I may have taken you for granted most of the time but I’ll be with you. I can’t guarantee you a smooth sailing journey; our journey might be full of humps and bumps, storms, and catastrophe, it’s frightening but I can guarantee you that I would still be there. I would never ever give up on you, just like how you didn’t give up on me.Eternally Grateful To All The People Who Walked Away and Stay In My Life

 

See that, see how awful mind you have. Our journey is still long. We still have a lot of paths to take together so hang in there. And if you feel lonely, sad, melancholic, meditate for a while and you’ll find me. I mean, you are just 22 turning 23, it’s okay if you haven’t figured out your whole life yet. You still have long years ahead of you. Stop stressing yourself or overthink about the things and people who aren’t worthy of your time and attention.

Lastly, thank you for coming this far; for staying sane, and for returning back to me. Thank you for listening and paying attention to me now. Never think that you are alone, I’m just here. I am you and you is me. 

I got your back,

Always,

Self

Writings

Thank you to all the people who left in my life and make it wonderful and thank you to all the people who stay and make it even more beautiful..

Stay if you want to. Leave if you must go.

What more could I say about the people who chose to walk away from my life? The door is always opened, to begin with. You are free to go.

I wish you a safe journey ahead of you. I believe that we all have our own journey and destination, and in order for you to get there, you’ve got to stop and you’ve got to rest first because the journey is long, unsure, and exhausting. I understand you for leaving me, I understand that I was just one of the stops that you had happened to passed by and you were just passers by.

Thank you for coming.. I wish I made you feel safe. I wish I made you feel like home, and how I wish I really was. I wish you could have stayed longer. I wish you would stay permanently and realized that I was your destination.

But…I’d be selfish for wanting you to stay and I don’t want to cage you nor stop you from growing. And begging you to leave is the least thing I want to do. Stay if you want to. Leave if you must go. No matter how much I hate to see you go, I have my door’s closed and bridges burned;walls are high, impossible to climb; barricades are heaps and strong, no way you could enter; my heart’s chained. I’ve done these because we must move on with our lives; because we couldn’t be stuck in one place forever. We grow. We change. We move on. We learn. We heal. And we love again. Until we finally find our destination. We’ve got bruises, scars, and bandages—proof that we struggled a lot to have reached this point.

And I also believe that in this longest journey called life. We’ve got some people who would be with us through our entire journey.  They might stop and we are left alone but people who are meant to be with us would always find a way no matter how complicated the maze is, even if it is filled with thorns and snakes, probably monsters too and survive anyway. Because, you are simply worth all the cuts, the stitches, and burns.

To all the people who are willing to stay and take this long journey with me, an infinite gratitude because I know, how tough it is to be with me. I have mood swings. I get irritated easily. I admit, there are times my attitude sucks, I tend to be selfish and self-centered. I have my shortcomings. I am imperfect. But thank you for staying. You can just choose to leave, but you choose to stay and be with me through my entire journey anyway. I may be stubborn, obnoxious, temperamental, and pain in the ass at times, but I am that person who you can hold on to, you’ve got nothing to worry because I would cure your skinned knees when life knocks you down. I may have taken you for granted most of the time but I’ll be with you. I can’t guarantee you a smooth sailing journey; our journey might be full of humps and bumps, storms, and catastrophe, it’s frightening but I can guarantee you that I would still be there. I would never ever give up on you, just like how you didn’t give up on me.

And if one day comes, you wake up tired and choose to leave my side, know that I understand. I understand. Don’t worry about me. For just like how many times I got my skinned knees when I was learning to ride my first bicycle; I’d get used to it. I would get used to your absence, just like how I got used to your presence. Let me hug you for the last time, so I could whisper to your ears, “Thank you for staying. It’s time for you to leave. Have a safe journey..”

“If we’d never met, I think I would have known my life wasn’t complete. And I would have wandered the world in search of you, even if I didn’t know who I was looking for.”

—Nicholas Sparks, The Longest Ride

Random Thoughts, Writings

Stop Thinking What If, Start Thinking What Is

“Life is full of uncertainty. There is nothing permanent in this world.  The world is a constant change and you’ve got nothing to do but to get along with it and enjoy what life has to offer.”

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night feeling paralyzed? Because you finally know what a fucking idiot you are for wanting to go back to the place that broke you; for wanting to reconcile with the person who left you hanging; for wanting to put back the pieces even that means hurting yourself again. Crazy as it sounds but it’s crazy and stupid, yes. A sudden thought suddenly pop into your head. A sudden thought that is like a cold water pouring into you. A sudden awakening thought that goes “Why should I try harder to be with someone who is the main reason of the miseries I went through? I would no longer be the one who constantly making an effort, where in the first place, this is what he wanted. If someone wants to be a part of my life, he’d done anything to be with me. No ifs and no buts.” A relationship is a give and take. You can’t be the one who always gives and receives nothing in return. For some, they call it unconditional love. But for me, I call it martyrdom.You can’t wipe his ass every time he shits. If you know what I mean.

As they said, there is nothing permanent in this world. The world is changing and we’re designed flexible and adaptable, we get along with the change until it changed you. Your perspective would eventually change; you get to think more apprehensively. You get to realized what is good and what is damaging for you, and over the long haul, you’d choose to let go and hold on to the things that could and would make you happier. You get wiser. And once you have tasted the real freedom and happiness, you become unstoppable. We can’t be stuck on something that isn’t here anymore. Learn to move forward, even if it’s little or baby steps, it would make a huge difference. Why, yes to adventures!

Just like Bruno Mars says on one of his songs, I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me. Leave the past behind me, today my life begins .A whole new world is waiting it’s mine for the taking. I know I can make it today my life begins. We all have our choices in life. Life isn’t complicated, as they say, it is us who make our lives complicated. If you want to be happy then be, if you want to live in a miserable life, then be.You can live your life happily and set your own rules or you can chain yourself from something that you can no longer have. Either way, it is all up to you to choose.

It’s okay to weep and wallow for the people who are long gone

It’s okay to be sad,

It’s okay to be angry,

It’s okay to cry,

It’s okay to still love the person who hurt us and to want another shot,

 

It’s okay to lick your own wounds in the middle of the night,

It’s okay to cry buckets of tears,

It’s okay to realize that the problem is not you,

It’s okay to let go of the things that are hurting you,

It’s okay to move on,

It’s okay to stop thinking what if,

and it’s totally okay to start thinking what is.

It’s okay to say yes to new adventures;

It’s okay to lose and find yourself back again.

It’s okay to be happy,

It’s okay to look forward and never look back…

It’s okay… You’ll be okay..

Believe me..

I’ve been there and done that…

Unsaid Words

To The Man Who I Lost and Lost Me Forever

I’ve got nothing much to say. Because, I feel like I’ve said so much, to the point that I sounded like a broken record. So please allow me to say these things, one last time…

It’s funny because it’s been years, and yet I am still here; still thinking of you and still writing about you. I have said good byes, probably a thousand times already but it seems like the magnet that you’ve attached to me is so strong, too strong that every time I tried to detach myself, you always had the power to pull me back at you. But not this time, you’ve got no power over me anymore. I have removed the magnet and all the tiniest possible connections we have. Consider this as my last good-bye..

I feel hypocrite, looking back to all the times I told myself that I’d stay away from you but still, every time my phone rang and your name appeared on it, I was always eager to answer you. I’m a kind of person who doesn’t easily give up on the people I love. I always give hundred chances but once you tire my heart out, no matter how much I love you, it’s time for you to go. It took me ages  before I finally realized that the person I loved wasn’t really there; that the person I trusted and adored was sadly —a fraud. 

For such a long time, I have left our story opened for I was hoping and waiting that might one day you’ll come along and write the continuation of it. Love, the ink has ran dry, the pages have changed its colors, fast fading through time, and the tear drops on the last few pages have dried and have left only its marks. I have grabbed the pen a few times, thinking if I should do it or not. And at this very moment, I decided to put a full stop in it. And wrote light-heartedly the words -The end…

This time, I decided to close my door for you. When I say close, that means chaining it and putting locks on it. And I think, that is the hardest and yet the bravest decision I have ever made. Because there is a fine line,  a thick line rather, between giving chances and knowing when enough is enough. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore.I still love you though. Ohh God, I love you with all my being! But you can’t just come and go in my life whenever you feel you wanted to. You can now stop running after me when you need some consolations or some ego-boosters. You can now stop calling me in the middle of the night when you’re tired or sick or when you are missing me terribly. Because, I won’t be there anymore. Sure, I miss you too. I miss you every day, every moment of the day, every ticking of the clock. I miss you. And I think, I always will. I will always miss the person I thought you were. Missing you is a bittersweet reminder of the things that could have been and the person I lost.

I lost you. I lost the person I used to call my home and I have come to the realization that that is totally fine because losing you is the beginning of finding myself back. Thank you and I hope you are happy. I always want your happiness anyway.