Personal · Random Thoughts

A Letter to My Next Love

Hi.

I don’t know you and you probably don’t know me yet or perhaps, you are just there sitting right under my nose. But I’m writing this letter for you anyway… because, I am that romantic?

First of all, I want you to know that I am a dangerous woman. I am warning you first thing, I want you to be aware what kind of trouble you will enter in. I am a monster. I am not a typical woman you have messed around with. I always put my claws up. Ready to devour you whole. I’ll gnaw you as if you are a peace of meat. I’ll drown you in my deepest thoughts. And I’ll kill you in all passionate ways I know.

After you read this you either 1. Back out because you are not the one and I’m not the one for you. 2. You accept the whole me and embrace my monstrous side because we are both monsters.

I have been thinking about you lately. It’s not because I’m alone or lonely. I’ve been alone for some time now, but that’s not the reason why.. I think, I’m ready for you. No, I am really ready for you. How are you doing these days? I hope you enjoy doing many things alone. I hope you are already tired of playing games and messing around. And above all, I hope you are ready for me too.

You are definitely not my first love, I’ve fallen in love thrice and have given some pieces of me from the wrong people who arrived and it took me a long time before I regained the pieces I’ve given away. I’m not broken nor half neither. I am definitely whole. I don’t need any saving. I don’t need a prince charming riding on his white horse who will sweep me off my feet. I don’t need such things to fill my fantasy. What I need is a man, not a boy, not a guy, and absolutely not a prince charming. I need a warrior, just like me, so we could conquer the demons within us.

I don’t get lonely these days anymore knowing the fact that I will meet you too soon. I will meet the man who is prefect for his imperfections; the man who will lighten my dim lit world; the man who I have been waiting and praying for. You know, I thought I’ve seen you with the previous loves I’ve had. I’ve mistaken several people as you but in the end, they appeared to be my navigators for they’re the ones who reveal the way to you and I couldn’t thank them enough because losing them and walking away from them is a few more steps closer to you. The mere thoughts of you give me warmth in the cold summer nights. That is why, I’m keeping myself unavailable. I won’t settle from anything less. I won’t mistake loneliness or infatuation as love anymore. I keep this wide space in my heart for you. I’ve cleaned up the mess of the previous chaos that had been living in it for some time. And you are very much welcome to enter and stay as you like. Feel free to stay permanently.

I remember a conversation with a friend on which I find surreal, how can someone turn into someone very special; like from someone to a person you don’t want to live without. I would say, can’t live without but that sounds cliche and unrealistic because we could live without each other, we have lived without each other for a long time so I’d say I don’t want to live without you anymore. From someone to a person you don’t want to live without. So I’ve written a poem for you..

You are that someone who has the most beautiful eyes;

Those eyes that glimmer like a thousand stars when you smile;

Your smile is like a beacon flickering in a dark dark night beckoning me to come home ;

The dark night that I thought was seemingly no end suddenly  glistens;

illuminating the pathway towards you

For you are the candle light that will never melt

The flashlight that do not run out of battery;

For you, yourself is the light;

Your voice sounds melody in the ears

that could only calm the demons inside me;

Your touch brings me shiver down the spine;

the sweet sweet sensation of your kisses causing the butterflies in my stomach to uproar;

For you are that someone who gives me a very reason to stay sane

I just know, it’s you

When the right time comes

Everything around us will be slow mo

As we are turning our faces on each other

As you extend your arms to mine.

I just know, I’m home.

After a long journey. We are home.

And you, my love, is worth all the wait.

I’ll be seeing you soon.

Dear next love,

I am hoping that you are my last.

And I hope you are okay with that.

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