Unsaid Words

To The Man Who I Lost and Lost Me Forever

I’ve got nothing much to say. Because, I feel like I’ve said so much, to the point that I sounded like a broken record. So please allow me to say these things, one last time…

It’s funny because it’s been years, and yet I am still here; still thinking of you and still writing about you. I have said good byes, probably a thousand times already but it seems like the magnet that you’ve attached to me is so strong, too strong that every time I tried to detach myself, you always had the power to pull me back at you. But not this time, you’ve got no power over me anymore. I have removed the magnet and all the tiniest possible connections we have. Consider this as my last good-bye..

I feel hypocrite, looking back to all the times I told myself that I’d stay away from you but still, every time my phone rang and your name appeared on it, I was always eager to answer you. I’m a kind of person who doesn’t easily give up on the people I love. I always give hundred chances but once you tire my heart out, no matter how much I love you, it’s time for you to go. It took me ages  before I finally realized that the person I loved wasn’t really there; that the person I trusted and adored was sadly —a fraud. 

For such a long time, I have left our story opened for I was hoping and waiting that might one day you’ll come along and write the continuation of it. Love, the ink has ran dry, the pages have changed its colors, fast fading through time, and the tear drops on the last few pages have dried and have left only its marks. I have grabbed the pen a few times, thinking if I should do it or not. And at this very moment, I decided to put a full stop in it. And wrote light-heartedly the words -The end…

This time, I decided to close my door for you. When I say close, that means chaining it and putting locks on it. And I think, that is the hardest and yet the bravest decision I have ever made. Because there is a fine line,  a thick line rather, between giving chances and knowing when enough is enough. It’s not that I don’t love you anymore.I still love you though. Ohh God, I love you with all my being! But you can’t just come and go in my life whenever you feel you wanted to. You can now stop running after me when you need some consolations or some ego-boosters. You can now stop calling me in the middle of the night when you’re tired or sick or when you are missing me terribly. Because, I won’t be there anymore. Sure, I miss you too. I miss you every day, every moment of the day, every ticking of the clock. I miss you. And I think, I always will. I will always miss the person I thought you were. Missing you is a bittersweet reminder of the things that could have been and the person I lost.

I lost you. I lost the person I used to call my home and I have come to the realization that that is totally fine because losing you is the beginning of finding myself back. Thank you and I hope you are happy. I always want your happiness anyway.

 

 

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