Writings

To Love Again

One of the best things in life is to love and be loved in return without forcing or begging for it. But oftentimes, in search of finding the one, we have to stumble upon with few wrong ones which means getting hurt. No one loves without getting her heart broken not once or twice but maybe thrice and so on.

I remember a friend who suffered in a break-up with her first ever boyfriend.I remember her crying and ranting how terrible things turned out to and I remember telling her that not because you’ve been with him and he said like this and that, that doesn’t mean he’ll be with you for always. Look at the brighter side, relationship is a trial and error thing, think of him as an experience so you’ll know better how to handle a more matured relationship the next time. The next time, make sure that you’re in control not the victim. There’s no need to petty around. Everything has its own perfect timing and God’s timing is always perfect.

I remember a man who I met online and after some time we get closed with each other, he openly shared his past relationship with a girl whose dream is to travel the world through cruising. At the age of 25, he hasn’t had any girlfriend before so technically speaking he doesn’t have much experience in courting and handling a relationship. (well, that’s what I supposed to.)Anyhow, they weren’t really become official or something like that. When I met him, (though it didn’t come to his own mouth), I knew that he was still hurting when the girl suddenly stopped communicating with him.

As having been encountered several broken people and ending up as one of them. I came up with this question: why do unfortunate things happen to good people? Then this remind me a scene in one of my favorite books “The Perks of Being Wallflower”,when Charlie asked his English teacher why nice people date the wrong kind of people and he answered wittily, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And, I think my question has been answered.

I know the feeling of being left hanging. That confusing feeling you get cause you didn’t know where to go whether you have to step down or to stay in the place where he left you. That stingy feeling of being left behind without any explanations. You are stucked between holding on and moving on. Nonetheless, you will choose to stay and wait a little more; his promises— those sweet words from his sweet sweet lips that sound like melody in the ear  will keep you going. Stay a little bit more. You tire your heart out with this and eventually, you will finally listen to your brain. I won’t tell you to move on because I know how terrible it is. I wish moving on is as easy as saying it. But rather, I’ll tell you to go and embrace the pain, weep and mourn as long as you want, scream out loud all all the hurt; go and wake up in the middle of the night just so you could lick your own wounds, feel the pain until it hurts no more. That’s the worst part of loving someone you could no longer have. There would even come a  time that you you’d be defeated by hatred; you’re gonna box yourself in the past; torturing yourself by overthinking the could haves. And I am telling you that it’s okay. You know what is not okay? Drowning yourself in the misery of the remnants of the past.

When everything seems so tautological and things get out of control.  I say,take your time. Close your heart. Dance with the pain. Enjoy the solitude. Find and love yourself. When you are ready, the right one will come along. Don’t be  afraid to fall in love again. Trust love one more time. And then again and again and again.

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