Don’t you think it’s ironic how a lot of things have changed in just one year? It’s like we were so madly and deeply in love with each other and the next we barely talk at all. Maybe what they say is right, love is a mere feeling; it fades when it’s neglected. It’s sad how we allow things to get in between us. I closed my eyes and tried to recall all the memories that we’ve shared as vividly as I could and then there’s the first conversation we had, one phone call, and who would have thought that in just one glimpse everything was about to change? You see, I am a memory hoarder, not a single thing I forget most especially if it is related to you, to us. How lucky I was to stumble at you like that!
It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t expected. It happened just like that and everything seemed so right and wonderful.
When I first laid my eyes on yours, I knew that you would end up to be that someone who will be etched in my heart for always. You used to say that it was God’s plan for he knows how lonely you’ve been in the past years and it’s time to be happy again. I felt so blessed to have you all the same. My love for you was so pure and innocent.
Today is one of those melancholic days when I would sit in the corner and let the memory of you submerge to my very thoughts.
I miss those times when I wake up in the morning and the first thing I see is your handsome-innocent-baby-like face. You would cuddle me and I’d tell you to make breakfast cause I’m hungry already and you’d say, “Baby, it’s still early. Sleep. Later, I’ll make breakfast for you. 10 minutes Baby.” my stomach would growl and you’d tease me “Yaallah, we ate the same food last night, how come that you’re hungry and I’m not?” then we would laugh. I would just hug you and lay on your top for some minutes and you’d say “Baby, did someone tell you that you’re light? Next time, poo first.” and we would burst out laughing. “You said, you’re hungry. How can I cook if you cling to me like that?” then you’d try to remove my arms from hugging you but I wouldn’t simply let go.“Taaai. Let’s stay here.” you surrendered, I would just chuckle and let you go and as soon as you get up, I was already on your back. I would giggle like a kid. I love it when you carry me like that and when you run around the kitchen while you’re giving me a piggy back ride. How did I love you, my love! We’d turn on the television and find something interesting, if there was nothing ,you’d let me choose a movie on the internet and you would connect it on the tv. When I prepared everything, I’d hug you at the back and showered you with small kisses until you get irritated. I wouldn’t just let you go like that until you are annoyed. I’m such a bully, aren’t I? and you’re such a spoilsport. 🙂 You’d prepare my favorite omelette with cheese on top and the tea that I love. We’d eat together and feed each other. It’s funny tho, now to remember it. We’re like in love teenagers at that time, it seemed like nobody could have ever torn us apart.
I miss playing around with you and hit each other by empty bottles while we were running in the living room like kids. And the room was filled of infectious laughter until we get tired and end up in each others’ arms. Remember the time when I was jumping on the couch and kept bugging you to carry me again then suddenly I burped so loud and so long, and you exploded in laughter. You laughed like there was no tomorrow and I was laughing as I came to you and hugged you and we were still laughing, hugging each other.
I miss picking fights with you. When I would give you a dangerous look and you tried to make amends by giving me foods. How dare you, silly cow! but I did love you so.
I miss those loving and sincere striking brown eyes that used to stare at me intently as if I am the prettiest woman in the world. I miss you kissing me and holding me just to make me feel secure and deep loved. I miss gazing at your pretty small face. I miss rubbing your rough beard. I miss you holding and kissing my hands as if they were precious ones. I miss our long hours of phone conversation talking nonsensical things. But I do love it when you tell me how much you cherish me and your plans for the future.
I miss the way we understand each other by just simply gazing at each others’ eyes. I miss the way I bombarded you with questions. I miss the way you show how proud you are when you introduce me to your friends and acquaintances. I miss staying up late with you. I miss your stories about your past. I miss your contagious laughter.I miss you.I miss everything about you. I miss our lovely and wonderful times together. And just like you, my heart aches for you, love.
It makes my heart smile to know that you also remember every detailed moments that we have shared. I’m glad that you haven’t forgotten. Sometimes, we talk about the past jovially and how we look forward to see each other. But we can’t deny the excruciating truth that is stirring in our faces because once all is said and done as they said; it’s all part of the past now and things have changed. But on the brighter side, we could always make new wonderful memories, right? no more lies, no more dramas, just love and loyalty—if God permits.
But it makes me think the old saying, if there’s a will, there’s a way, isn’t it? It makes me think that may be our love is not that strong enough because if it is, you’ll be here right now. But that’s okay. I’ve already come to the realization that a person can love you but you can’t be his priority. I apologize on how I have been responding to your calls and messages; if it takes some days before I respond for I simply do not know what to say anymore. But that doesn’t mean, I loved you any less.
It isn’t good bye my love— at least not yet. It’s a compromise. I am loosening my grip on you. If in the future and we see each other again and we realize that we still want each other, maybe that time we could give it a shot again and make things all right. Or if not, maybe it would be perfect for a closure. And I would say;that no matter how everything has gone wrong between us, I have forgiven you already; and that I always want you to remember that meeting you is one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me; and that I wish you happiness; and that I am grateful with our little infinity; and that I wouldn’t simply forget you for you are etched in my heart for always because once in my life, you were my serendipity, you were mine and I was only yours.
Bless your heart my love. You would always have a soft spot in my heart and when the right time comes, I hope we are ready for each other.
This is the first movie that we watched together but you’re such an ass cause you fell asleep. You bugger! 🙂
It’s your birthday tomorrow. Remember how I sneaked the cake for you did not want me to give you anything and you said my love is all you need more than anything else and if I would bring something, you wouldn’t open the door. Well, I left the cake outside and entered inside and after 3o minutes I told you there’s a cake outside. Ya’allah how funny was that! You gave me a shocking look and immediately took the cake inside. You said I’m crazy leaving the cake outside and I just grinned at you and tell you, “because you said, you won’t let me in if I brought something so I entered inside first just to be sure you’ll let me in.” 🙂 We celebrated your birthday along with your colleagues. I put the candles around the cake and lit them all. It was so beautiful though. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to take a picture of it because I was so busy so here’s a pic, a decent one when it wasn’t yet melted.
I’s a shame that we’re not together on your special day but as you said, when I come back, every moment that’d spend together would always be our birthday. We’ll see my love. I guess, we just have to wait and see.
Congratulations for getting the part time job in call center again. I am thrilled with your news! I couldn’t even be prouder! May God keep you safe, happy , and healthy for always, love. And remember to shoot for the moon!
Remember this? Ya’aburnee ya rouhi..
Ya’aburnee-“You bury me,” a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how difficult it would be to live without them.