The Last Letter I would write for you
I am writing this for you because I don’t want you to think that I left you hanging; I still believe that you are a nice person and I don’t want you to think that you don’t deserve an explanation. We all do. So please hear me out, because this is the last time that I am going to talk about you.
The times that we had were awfully wonderful; those times spent together would always be tattooed in my mind. I would always remember you with all those simple little things: the Russian songs that we used to listen in the car that I had learned to love, the food that you always prepared for me, the natural scent of you, your voice that sounded melody in my ears, your eyes how they stared at me, and most especially the way you made me feel loved and wanted. But you see, not all love stories have a happy ending. We’ve got to accept the fact that ours, was just one of those “once upon a time” which isn’t lucky enough to have a happy ever after. It took me some time before I finally realized and accepted the fact that there’s nothing left. You had squeezed the last drop of faith that I had in you until I had at last decided to leave.
Things have changed, my darling. For a long time, I had left my door opened for you but all you did was to come in and out whenever you feel you wanted to, that’s why I am not allowing you to play with it anymore and I am sorry if I couldn’t keep my promise because I couldn’t allow myself to be your doormat anymore.So rather, I am letting everything goes. I am closing my door for you, love. It’s time for you to go.
How did it happen in just a blink of an eye when we just had a conversation a month ago? Baby, I woke up and realized that I can’t be stuck in one place when I am supposed to enjoy the glamour of life. I can’t live in the shadow of the past anymore. So forgive me if I say, you are not the reason why I smile anymore. Forgive me, if you are not the first person I think the moment I open my eyes in the morning anymore. Forgive me if you are not the last person I think before I shut my eyes at night anymore. Forgive me if I stop scribbling your name in my journal. Forgive me if you are not the reason why I write anymore. No more sadness. No more melancholy. Forgive me if my heart’s no longer whispering your name. Forgive me if my heart no longer aches for you, if my eyes stops crying for you, if my head stops thinking about the things that should have and could have done. Forgive me if it has finally stopped bleeding your name. Forgive me if I stop trying, because broken things can’t be fixed anymore no matter how hard we try. Forgive me if I stop loving you. Forgive me for I am going to start a new chapter of my life and you are not going to be a part of it anymore. And forgive yourself for not being the man you ought to be.
I realize that these are okay. It’s okay to put my happiness this time and stop running after the things that no longer help me grow. It’s okay to move on; to let go of the things that are not really meant for me and start chasing the things I truly deserve. I stopped looking my happiness to the same place I lost it, that is why I am letting everything goes. I let all our memories fly with the wind and float along the vast-boundless universe. I know that I am not enough for you that is why you keep looking for love and attention from other people, it’s sad but I have given you every bits of me and now that I gathered my pieces back. I wouldn’t allow you to take these away from me anymore. Our story has ended and that is fine, we are only chapters of each others’ life stories. I am glad to be a part of yours as you are once part of mine. We may have ended this way but I’d like you to know that I am grateful for our little infinite. I was exhilarated to be with you. I’ve learned so much from you. You taught me how to be wiser when choosing the people who will enter in my life. You’ve taught me how to read between the lines profoundly and to never trust someone who likes to swear to God, and to the eyes of his mother. And most importantly, you’ve taught me that I deserve to be loved the way you did and I deserve much more than that, I deserve to be treated like a priority not an option, not a second choice. Whenever I think of how much I loved you, I couldn’t feel but happy because I didn’t know that I am capable of giving that kind of love to someone. So thank you for letting me go and for giving me a chance to find the one who is deserving to my love. And when he comes, I will love him hard more than I have loved you and the people in my past.
We have reached the dead end, love.
I am not hoping to see you anymore but I wish you find the love and happiness that you didn’t find in me. I wish you find what you truly wants. Hold onto it, take care of it, and never let it go.